Banana Split Twinkies: A Review

By Patrick Tedder

There is a significant relationship between added sugar consumption and increased risk for cardiovascular disease mortality.” – Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA)

If “Limited Edition” food has taught me anything growing up, it’s that one should temper expectations. When I was a kid, you could have put limited edition on a bag of dog shit and I would have begged for it at the grocery store. But as I grew older—and the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus hoaxes hardened my soul—I began to wonder if orange Halloween Oreos actually did taste different from their normal brethren. The answer my friends, is no. No. They. Didn’t.

However, my bitter, present day self had a flashback to childhood joy when I came across an entire shrine dedicated to “Limited Edition” Twinkies this weekend. That’s right, not one “Limited Edition” flavor, but three! As coincidence would have it, the Twinkie company planned “Ghostbuster” flavors right as the new 2016 film is coming out.

1. Key Lime Slime

2. White Chocolate Marshmallow.

And that’s not all, folks. Twinkie the Kid just so happened to have trick up his sleeve.

3. Banana Split twinkies.

Somehow, scientists were able to cram the entire flavor of a Banana Split into a small yellow cake that can be held in one hand. As I exited Wal-Mart, I had a feeling I had made what quite possibly could have been the best decision of the week. That evening, a review was in order.

After some skeptical glances, my wife and friends bit into the mysterious concoction. Unlike the traditional Twinkie, the banana split variation is covered in hard chocolate (I recommend refrigerating them before consumption to make sure it’s actually hard chocolate), filled with a banana flavored crème, and topped off with a hint of strawberry topping.

Should you eat these magical creations? Yes, unless you don’t like banana-flavored things, in which case, no, you probably shouldn’t even try them. If you even remotely like banana-flavored sweets though, you should give this a go as it is vital that we support them because there’s a critical lack of the flavor in any other product on store shelves.

The downside? They’re limited, and clocking in at 19 grams of sugar each, they are sure to kill you.

Verdict: There are far worse ways to go.