Not Watching The Oscars. I’ll Write About Movies.

I used to regard the Oscars as the definitive recognition of films that are high art, and then I grew up and realized that circle-jerk parties can look fancy if you wear tuxes and gowns. And so, I’m watching the famous (okay so it’s not famous at all) 1988 TV movie “The Incredible Hulk Returns,” and writing this very piece for your entertainment. 

I won’t pretend that I’m not a little sad that I’m missing it at this moment, but it dawned on me that I have better things to do and quite frankly, 2016 was a rather lame year for film. Still, I wanted to do something movie related to mark the occasion and having seen 69 films this year (childishly snickers) I figured I’d give you a taste of what I’ve seen thus far for your consideration:

5 Stars

“Boyz n the Hood” — A fantastic film about black life that sadly remains relevant to this day.

“The Wolf of Wallstreet” — This is the film that Leo should have won for.

“Ultraman X the Movie: Here Comes! Our Ultraman” — Everything you could want if you like Power Rangers. It’s like a Japanese Power Rangers film turned to 11.

“Rouge One: A Star Wars Story” — Had the title not told me, I’d have jumped out of my seat at the end of the film to yell … this was related to Star Wars! Just joshing 😉 This was better a second time.

4 Stars

“Macbeth” — This 2015 film is hard to dislike.

“The Sword of Doom” — This samurai masterpiece will stay with you.

“John Wick: Chapter 2” — A seriously fun action film. Not for the feint of heart.

“Upstream Color” — Fantastically imaginative. I don’t know if it all comes together per se, but the film is good enough that you won’t care.

3 Stars — I won’t go down the entire list, but here are some films of note.

“Nocturna” — Like a french “Monster’s Inc.”

“Daddy’s Home” — Surprisingly fun.

“The Escort” — A cute and charming film.

“Only Yesterday” — A huge film when it came out in Japan. It sometimes touches greatness, but lacks an engaging plot. It becomes a bit of a bore near the end. 

Then there are the films that weren’t good, but you’ve been warned. 

1/2 Star

“Britney Ever After” — As entertaining as it can be, because it’s so bad … it’s also simply awful.

“Boo! A Madea Halloween” — I want to support Tyler Perry, but not if he makes garbage like this. It’s a cheap film that’s never entertaining.

“The Love Guru” — At first I thought I had found a hidden gem, and then I realized, like the majority of movie goers, Mike Meyers couldn’t have made a shittier movie if he tried.

That’s it. It’s not everything, but it’s what’s noteworthy and in some cases, for the wrong reasons. Here’s to a fantastic 2017 in film, both in theathers and what you see at home.